While we each have our own personal hard and beautiful stories, we are more alike than different, more connected than you might think. This is my HardBeauty story. I was born and raised in Colorado by my single mom. I spent a great deal of my childhood being the adult in our home because my mom was a hard core alcoholic and drug addict. I had responsibilities that were far beyond the reach and understanding of a child, but I had no choice. My mom was doing the best she could, given what she had to work with. She did better than the generations that came before her.

     Most of us are working to break the cycles of generational curses handed down and I am no different. I spent most of my life letting my experiences define me rather than learning and growing from them. I lived in a hamster ball. From home, I moved into many unhealthy relationships, group homes, homeless shelters, and countless poor choices. I thought that ball kept me safe. Sometimes outside forces would send me spinning out of control. Sometimes I tried to take control with no training how to do so. Sometimes I’d send myself reeling down a path that I knew was no good. Once in a while, I’d get help through therapy that would put me on a better path. Sometimes I’d let the outside forces push me in whichever direction while I’d lie down and play dead. And when the outside forces were done tossing me around for a while, I chose to stay in that ball and still play dead. Better safe than sorry, right? No matter the situation, I never let anyone in my ball. I thought I was supposed to be, “strong”, and do it on my own, take care of my own problems.  At the age of 38, with the help of Racquel, I finally understood that I could step out of that ball. I learned that trying to see and reach a destination while trapping myself in that ball alone was a fool’s journey. I found out that the journey is more important than the destination and yet equally as hard/beautiful. I am learning that, while my experiences help shape me, they do not define me. I get to define myself by either choosing to stay small and sheltered or choosing to live fully through the HardBeauty work. Let me tell you, this has not been an easy path. Then again, what is ever truly worth having that one hasn’t worked hard for?

     I’ve learned through Racquel that the motivation is never coming; I’ve got to create it for myself. I’ve learned that pretty much no one likes the hard work of healthy routines, but it's what’s necessary to accomplish my goals. I’ve learned that baby steps are okay, at no matter what age, in order to achieve what I want in life. I’ve learned to be more accepting of the road blocks that I encounter because everyone encounters them. I’m learning to be more gentle on myself when I am faced with challenges rather than beating myself up for not having seen them in advance or not getting through them sooner. I am learning that I am enough, exactly where I am, no matter the circumstances… and I always will be. I am learning that there is no such thing as perfection and I am worthy, even with all my imperfections. I am learning that I need to rest along the way, but not give up. I am building mental/emotional/spiritual stamina that will sustain me throughout all my journeys. I am learning to appreciate the journey of growth that has no end and celebrate my achievements along the way, no matter how seemingly big or small.  Let me tell you; Racquel’s coaching is not for the feint of heart. But if you want to experience more breakthroughs than breakdowns, you’ll be in far better hands with Racquel than you would be alone. I spent a month doing intense HardBeauty coaching every single day in Racquel’s home in Colorado.

    Since I came back to Seattle in January, I have gained the confidence in myself to face whatever I encounter while still reaching my goals. On the toughest days, I now know they’re only temporary and I will get through them. I have close friends that hold my hand and hold me accountable. And on the rare occasion that I need a little more support, I know I can call Racquel. It has been a wild eight months; however, I’ve done more work in that time than I had done in the previous 38 years. I know I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without HardBeauty.